Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Randomize
