Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
