My hand turned me down
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I'm getting married
To pizza
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Randomize
