Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
