We're like a lot better than the average bears
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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