Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
