Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
