I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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