Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Randomize
