Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
