so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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