.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
