Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Randomize
