If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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