I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
