Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Randomize
