Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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