I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
