your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
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