its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
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