I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Randomize
