I skipped work to stalk him.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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