At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
