you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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