doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
