HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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