Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
tell me about the fingering
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