i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
