i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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