I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
