one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I just found puke in my bra..
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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