please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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