You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
