and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Randomize
