At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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