im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
