ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
