mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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