Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
