i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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