Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
