he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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