I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
