I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
