what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I am midnight drunk by noon
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize