One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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