i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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