he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
