Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
