she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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