2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
