Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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