Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
my poor anus
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
