Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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