My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
