Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
