So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
