idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
