I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
