Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
