Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
