I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Randomize
