it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
