Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
