i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
