I think I am morally bankrupt
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
