4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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