Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
