guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
