I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
