for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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