I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
