just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
