1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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