problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
