thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize